In three days, I will be going back to school. Oh yes, it is the beginning of the second semester of my third year college life. How time really flies. It's as if just last semester, it was my first year in college, a whole new world for me, and I was adjusting to the life that awaits for me. Now, I have adapted to the college life, I have adapted to the life filled with studies, research, projects, term papers, presentations, and press work (thanks to The Scholastican). In my third year of college, I have to say that life is, well, ok.
I really am looking forward to going back to school. Not really because of the schedule or the subjects or the professors or my friends. I mean, sure, it's going to be nice to see them again. The thing is...I want to go back to school just so I'd be busy. I mean really busy. I want to keep myself preoccupied with activities and other things going on in school so that...I won't feel very unproductive and helpless. It's really something that I can't get over.
Since second year, all I wanted to do was to distract myself with school. I wanted to always keep myself busy so that I won't be tempted to think about my problems. Of course, the problems at home are inescapable. I also have problems in school. What I was actually talking about was...the problems of the heart. My emotions, my feelings. I never wanted to face my problems about love. It was such a heavy burden. It hurt me so much. The only escape I could think of was academics. It worked...at least, in the beginning. But after some time, just when I thought I was finally ok, turned out, I wasn't ready to let that "matters of the heart" go into my head again.
Am I scared? Yes, I am. It scares the hell out of me. I don't know. Maybe until now, I still can't let myself to really feel what I'm feeling. I guess that means...I'm still not over the hurt that I had before. Although I am moving on...just not ready to face another "love."
Right now, all I want to do is study and do my job as an editor. By doing those two jobs, I feel like I've accomplished a lot. I'm proud of what I've done and what I'm doing.
Hmm...I guess I'm not that accomplished just yet.
I really am looking forward to going back to school. Not really because of the schedule or the subjects or the professors or my friends. I mean, sure, it's going to be nice to see them again. The thing is...I want to go back to school just so I'd be busy. I mean really busy. I want to keep myself preoccupied with activities and other things going on in school so that...I won't feel very unproductive and helpless. It's really something that I can't get over.
Since second year, all I wanted to do was to distract myself with school. I wanted to always keep myself busy so that I won't be tempted to think about my problems. Of course, the problems at home are inescapable. I also have problems in school. What I was actually talking about was...the problems of the heart. My emotions, my feelings. I never wanted to face my problems about love. It was such a heavy burden. It hurt me so much. The only escape I could think of was academics. It worked...at least, in the beginning. But after some time, just when I thought I was finally ok, turned out, I wasn't ready to let that "matters of the heart" go into my head again.
Am I scared? Yes, I am. It scares the hell out of me. I don't know. Maybe until now, I still can't let myself to really feel what I'm feeling. I guess that means...I'm still not over the hurt that I had before. Although I am moving on...just not ready to face another "love."
Right now, all I want to do is study and do my job as an editor. By doing those two jobs, I feel like I've accomplished a lot. I'm proud of what I've done and what I'm doing.
Hmm...I guess I'm not that accomplished just yet.
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