The 21-Year-Old Thinks About...

I'm not used to getting compliments. Not at all. It's probably because...I never really received any when I was in high school. Sure, sure...I get them from family and relatives and from close friends. But I have never received compliments from guys. I remember feeling I'm not that beautiful because whenever I'm out with my friends, I feel like I am invisible because my friends are really attractive. If guys would come up to me, it was because of one thing: to ask for my friend's number.

So, yeah. There was an insecurity back then. Now...things have changed.

When I got to college, I was able to socialize with a lot of people, guys in particular, all thanks to the conferences, forums and symposiums I attended. During my first and second years, I've had my share of crushes. I've had my share of flirtations. But was there anything serious? Let me put it this way: I fell in love once and I got hurt twice. That's all you need to know.

And then came my third year. Things changed...a little bit. I even entertained a suitor that time. But as you may have noticed, it didn't actually work out. I called it off, realizing that I didn't want to be in a relationship right now. We remained friends. At that time, I decided to just finish college without attaching myself to anyone. It's not that I'm missing out on the "joys of having a boyfriend," as my friends would put it. Frankly speaking, I still want to enjoy my single life.

That is true until this very day. As most of you may know, I am being "linked" to this friend of mine. No matter what I say or do about what my friend and I really have, people would just think otherwise. So, I thought it would be better to just keep my mouth shut. Come what may, as the lyrics of the famous song goes. Everything will be revealed in due time.

Right now, my friends are still trying to set me up with guys they think would be a "perfect partner" for me. Besides being set up, I've met random guys in my usual hangout. As of Sunday, there are 4 guys who came up to me and introduced himself, in the hopes that they would get my name and my number. Sorry to say, 3 of them failed. As snobbish as I can be, I turned them down. The one guy that got away...well...he knows my friends...and maybe that's why I felt comfortable giving my number. But...nothing's happening. I'm dodging bullets whenever he would imply anything about courtship.

Another guy was actually straight to the point of asking if it's all right to court me. That threw me off guard because the guy who asked me was someone I met just last week. The nerve, right?! Tsk tsk.

Here I am, a 21-year-old single college student. Some would probably like the feeling that they are being noticed by guys here and there. I, on the other hand, would like to get rid of them. Haha! The ironies of life. I talkied to my friend about this...about not entertaining any guys. She simply said...as long as I am enjoying my life, I don't need to "play in the hay." True, true.

I have to go now. I still have lots of things to do.

Bye for now...

Christmas 2007 Wish List.

It's that time of the year when I get to stop for a while, sit down, and just think. No, it's not the very serious contemplation about life. For people who are oblivious of the coming season, let me remind you that there are only 36 days left before Christmas Day. This means...I get to list down stuff I'd like to have for Christmas. Hehehe...

Here we go. Like I said last year, in no particular order, I would like to have any of the following...

1. Books
1.1. The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCollough
1.2. Chronicle of a Death Foretold by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
1.3. The Choice by Nicholas Sparks

2. Accessories
2.1. Bracelet
2.2. Necklace
2.3. Earrings

3. Starbucks tumbler

4. Clothes - any tops or pants or skirts from
4.1. Supre
4.2. Whoops

5. Shoulder bags and/or handbags

6. DVD complete series of The Nanny

7. Any Bossa Nova albums

Of course, I can't forget to mention those hard-to-get Christmas gifts...

1. Sony Ericsson Z610i or Z750a
2. Sony Cyber-shot T200
3. Creative Zen (4GB) or Zen V Plus (2GB)

There you have it...my Christmas wish list for this year!

Gotta go now! Ciao!

Brand New Entry.

There are a number of reasons why I have been out of the blogging biz for the past few weeks.

Reason # 1: Back to school means back to being busy again. Study habits are starting to kick in and there's not much time to actually log in my blog and type what happened on a certain day.

Reason # 2: I have temporarily substituted cooking as an outlet. Yes, I have been cooking, both supervised and unsupervised. Lately, there's just an opening for me to concoct something new (with the help of my dear Papi, of course).

Reason # 3: The household has been entertaining guests since last month and it would be just rude to brush them off just because I want to blog.

Reason # 4: When I get the chance to log in my blog, I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to blog about. And I want this entry to actually mean something. There's a good reason why, which I will reveal later.

Reason # 5: It is only now that I know what I'm going to publish in Paper Trails.

At one o'clock in the morning, I find myself unable to sleep. Mainly it's because I slept from 7:00 to 11:00 last night. I was too tired to do anything...so right after I ate, I went to my parent's room and feel asleep.

Now, I need to get serious. After much thought, I figured that right now is the best time to blog about this. I can't waste another moment of waiting for something just so I have something to tell to whoever is reading Paper Trails.

* * *

I have had just about enough. My ever-extending social limits have been passed. A dreadful plague has infected a horrifyingly large majority of my peers, and I have found myself unable to endure their behavior anylonger. It's almost as if a memo has been passed around, one which I did not receive. New hot topic, to be discussed at all possible opportunities: ME.

I have been "under the microscope" since third year college. Probably since I was a freshie. The difference between the two, however, is uncanny. During my first year, I was known as this political science student who flooded the school newspaper with her many feature articles. And that went on until my sophomore year. But things did not go as expected come my junior year because I suddenly found myself being questioned by a lot of people about...a certain guy.

A natural listener, I geniunely enjoy hearing other people's stories, even when they tend to slope off on various far-reaching tangents. Nevertheless, there comes a point when even the most patient ca no longer tolerate the unfathomable heights to which this self-absorption has risen. Some of my oldest and deepest friendships have morphed into relationships in which I can recite what my dear friend had for lunch every day last week, white she remains clueless about my current state of affairs. This is no fault of my own, I assure you. I am more than happy to share all my wonderful news. The interest with which it is received, however, leaves a lot to be desired.

At some point, I can only say one thing: I cannot take all the hounding and the interests and the excitement of the people around me when it comes to a certain aspect of my life. For those of you who know...yes, it is about the "love life." For those of you who thought that part of my life already exists, the answer is no. I have not now nor have I been in an exclusive relationship with anyone for a long time. Truth of the matter is...I am not planning on having one anytime soon. So...quit forcing me to tell you that I already have a love life because as of now, it's been NON-EXISTENT, as it has been for the past couple of years!

I had to wonder why these people, a.k.a. my friends, are so interested and so excited about me having a boyfriend. I figured it was because: (a) almost everyone of my friends have boyfriends; (b) they think it was highly unlikely that a 21-year-old is still single; and (c) what I always hear from my friends, "we just want you to be happy."

What makes them think I'm not happy? Just because I have no boyfriend, does it mean I'm not happy? Do I look like I'm desperate for a boyfriend? Please...I have a lot of things going for me right now and to have a boyfriend at this time is simply out of the question. I know that it isn't time yet. I haven't met a guy who I can say, "he's the one."

But I guess I have to look at it from the way my friends see it. I have this guy friend I'm very close with (not only with him but his family as well). From time to time, I am able to hang out with them as a family and sometimes I invite the siblings for a snack once in a while (my treat, of course), I know all their birthdays, and I always make time for them. If I was an outside observer, I guess I would think that there's something going on. But the fact of the matter is...there's really none.

*Sigh* No matter what I say, I know that people are going to think otherwise. They're still going to force me to tell them that there's actually SOMETHING between me and my friend. Even though the closest thing I can call that something is friendship...they're going to argue that what we actually have is MORE than friendship. Right now, my friends are even more convinced that my friend and I are more than just friends because I just turned down a guy who likes me and I turned down (yet again) another guy who keeps asking me out on a date.

How can I convince people that we are JUST friends?! Argh! Here's a fact: I AM NOT ENTERTAINING ANY SUITORS AS OF THE MOMENT. Absolutely not! I am happy with my single life, thank you very much and I don't feel that I need to be with a guy right now to make me happy because I AM HAPPY.

Here's another truth...just to make things clear. I have been asked by one of my friends, "Don't you see yourself with him in the future?"

Honestly, no...or at least, not yet. The reason is simple. He's not doing anything to make me think that he could be more than my friend. I know the kind of guy he is, if he likes the girl, he'd tell her. He won't just drop hints here and there. He would absolutely tell her straight. And since that did not or has not happened to me, I will not assume anything.

Do I want to be with him? Here's the real deal. If I could choose a guy right now to be with for the rest of my life, he's probably the guy I'd choose. I have this list that I wrote two years ago...and I tucked it in the Bible. The list contains 10 characteristics of the guy I want to be with. That list was meant to be like a prayer. It's meant to ask God to give me someone I can share my life with...with the perfect partner for me. Even if the guy has 9 out of 10, he's still not THE ONE. If you must know, he has 7 out of 10 characteristics. But I am not closing my doors for him. Who knows, right? Maybe in the future, I'll see that he has all 10...but until that day comes...I remain single.

So there you have it. My latest entry.

Oh yeah...the reason why I wanted this entry to mean something is because...this is my 200th blog entry. Yey for me!

Anyway, it's time to go to sleep.

G'night, everyone!

My Last Schedule.

The title says it all.

This is my very last schedule and after this...it's "Goodbye, College!"

I am left with three subjects. Just three subjects. Well, three subjects plus the thesis and oral defense...and the written comprehensives. Whew!

Check it out. This is the last time I'm posting class schedules. Hahaha!

The Colors of Love Test.

I took a certain test in Tickle a few minutes ago. Surprisingly, this is the result.

o O o

Margie, when you reveal your true colors in love, you're a

If you had a love theme song it might just be, "Let's Stay Together." That's because it's usually important for your sense of security to be part of a stable, committed relationship. You tend to believe that a true partnership means one that's for life — the kind of eternal love you seek. There's a certain sense of traditionalism in your view of romance. You look for old-fashioned values like honesty, trust, and devotion. You may even believe that the most harmonious partnerships happen when the man is the breadwinner. Your greatest relationship vulnerability appears to be a tendency to fear that your partner will leave you. Try to calm those worries as you set out to look for the kind of romance you've dreamt about. Have faith that your very own committed partner is out there.

When you're not thinking about love, you're probably thinking about more worldly things. Types like you tend to feel that money makes the world go round. As a result, you do what you can to maximize your wealth. But beyond life's financial rewards, success in itself can be important to you. As a result, you work harder than many do to make sure you achieve it. Perhaps that's because you like being the best at what you do. You may also appreciate the accolades that come with a job well done. Status symbols and your appearance can be other strong focuses for your type. You seem to enjoy being admired for your style or belongings. The confident way you're able carry yourself can make you seem like quite an impressive person at times.

In or out of a relationship, you're the kind of person who tolerates criticism pretty well. In fact, if a friend or lover offered you some constructive feedback, you'd probably see their concern as an act of compassion. Because you're not likely to take people's words too personally, you can be very approachable and easy to talk to. These are both really special traits to have in relationships. However just because you accept criticism well, doesn't mean you never feel blue. On the contrary, when you're low, you may tend to dwell on your sorrows until they seem much larger than they really are. You may even find yourself shutting yourself off from people and feeling uncomfortable in your environment. At times like these, be gentle with yourself. Try little things to cheer yourself up. Watch your favorite movie or get outside. Above all, know that the blues will pass.

When you're part of a couple, it's interesting to note that while strong commitment is of paramount importance to you, a strong emotional connection may be less so. In fact, for you the physical high of sex may become a more important focus of your relationship than other aspects of sharing. Being aware of this priority and finding someone who shares it will be vital. It will ensure that you and your mate both feel fulfilled in your relationship, giving you a better chance of keeping the love you seek.

One Year Anniversary.

Oh yes...you got that right! It's officially my one year anniversary...

...with Blogger! Hahaha! You thought I was talking about...someone, huh? Hehehe...

I can't believe it. One year ago, I was merely doing this for past time. As days, weeks, months passed by, I find myself doing this more and more...as if it was really necessary. Who would have thought that I was going to make this a habit.

The thing is...I really don't mind anymore who reads my blog. I remember freaking out the moment I found out that my professors discovered my blog. Then I got used to it...so, in the end, I have accepted the fact that one way or another I will hear comments from them about my latest entry in my blog. Hahaha!

Anyway, I'm out of things to say. I'll probably be back later...

Ciao!